head vs heart

i’m torn right now…  my head & heart are at war with each other.

last night the news came through that osama bin laden had been killed. my head told me this was a GREAT thing…justice had been served. my heart, sank with sadness and brokenness as another person had perished without knowing the peace and forgiveness that our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ offers.

i’ve been watching my twitter/facebook news feed come through and reading one celebratory comment after another, largely from followers of Christ.  if i’m being completely honest, which is one of my goals in life, it makes me want to vomit.  when did i/we become judges? (yes i realize i’m judging those that are judging…sucky irony)

i know it’s in our nature to protect ourselves…that’s not a bad thing at all. and maybe 1st century believers would’ve partied at saul’s death had he been killed at the peak of his persecution of the church, maybe not. but saul being “transformed” into paul and then being “conformed” into the image of Christ for others is a key historical and spiritual event for those who are believers today. i wonder who was praying for his salvation while hiding for their lives when he came to their cities and towns.

i’ve been praying for years that osama would’ve come to know Jesus, that we could’ve seen God do what He did 2000 years ago in transforming an “enemy” into a “brother”. can you imagine what that would’ve looked like?!

i’m not ok with what osama stood for, and my heart is broken believing that he’s apart from God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit for eternity…

God’s continuing to press on my heart the lesson i taught last week at PBbk on Romans 12:9-21…check it out…

#ichooselove

Practicing what you Preach

Today will be one of those days I don’t forget for a long time. But it begins over a week ago:

Last Wednesday: Spring Break for most my students, so I figured PBbk would be a light night and decided to postpone my lesson on Philippians 2:1-18 to yesterday.

Yesterday: PBbk was good, passage was tough. It’s one of those passages that just wrecks me everytime I read it. It influences every part of my life; my marriage, the way I parent, discipline, bless, my ministry, how I interact with friends/neighbors/strangers. That attitude of Christ that Paul writes about blows my mind.

Humility on all levels is something that goes against everything I feel and have learned by living in the USA and growing up in the generation I have. We walk around feeling entitled and deserving of everything. And when we don’t get it, all we do is complain and yell about it on whatever patform we feel we have (blogs, FB, Twitter, etc). Humility is looking out, not in. Humility is about other all the time and me none of the time.

Humility is weird, different, difficult, beautiful, peaceful, & freeing all at the same time. And the worst/best part is it all has to do with what Christ is doing in me. IT’S NOT ABOUT ME!! I know that but it’s so hard to live it…

To finish that passage though, Paul talks about living life without grumbling and complaining.

for real?!

i was doing some research on fundraisers for youth group today. came across this:

THE FAMILY JEWELS ARE MISSING
We wrote an interactive, audience participation mystery titled “The Family Jewels Are Missing.” The event was inexpensive and also provided a way for the congregation to get involved. We asked for donations of sandwiches and goodies and also incorporated “actors” from the congregation. The youth served the food and cleaned up.
The play was held on a regular Friday youth night, and there was no cost to attend. We put a jar near the front door and asked for donations to our mission trip. There was no pressure and no plate was passed. The play was in three acts. Food was served between the acts while the actors mingled with the crowd and asked questions and looked at the clues. The evening lasted between two and three hours, and we raised over $700.

Sherry and Howard H. – Ontario, Canada

i think the idea is good…but what in the world were these canadians thinking when they named this game?!  ”the family jewels are missing?!” REALLY?!  i wonder who proofreads this stuff before it’s mass emailed out to folks.  either they should be fired or given a raise b/c they actually got people read the email.  i guess it’s a fine line and they’ve danced it well!

here’s to finding those family jewels on st pattys day!

down a tithe

on jan 5th our staff and friends at LHC started a biggest loser competition.  at the point when we started i was at my heaviest of my life: 188lbs.  today marked the 1/2 way point in our journey together…and as i weighed in today i was 170lbs.  down 18lbs and feeling really good about it. i’ve almost lost 10% of my weight in 2 1/2 months:)

so much of this has been fun, but some has been really frustrating.  i hate the fact that it’s a competition that inspired me to lose weight and not just the fact that i don’t wanna be a fatty.  i wanna live a life where i can play with my kids outside and not worry about getting winded.  i want to hit 30 (3 months away :O) looking and feeling great.  i also realized that it’s the guys on our staff that didn’t really NEED to lose a ton that have really embraced journey.  some of the folks who could really use the slimming don’t seem to be as into it.  i really wanted to get into this with our WHOLE staff in hopes that we would together get healthier and be able to minister longer together.

some days i eat better than other, but what i can say is that i feel better and have more energy to take on my day.  that excites me.  i don’t need as much sleep, i wake up more refreshed (usually by a cute little 1 year old:)).  i’ve also started to play basketball again with the guys…it’s so much fun to run and sweat again.  that’s gonna help!

this is the 1st step in my “getting a handle on my life”.  step 2: finances.  i wish i could figure out a way to get halfway to my goal in 2 1/2 months…but i realize that if i can inject discipline into my health, i can in my family finances as well.

can’t wait to see how God continues to shape me in all this…

oh well

thought i would keep up with this more.  i always feel like i don’t have the time…i guess i need to make it, or be ok with not having really thought through and processed thoughts.

i’m in the middle of a cleansing fast right now.  it’s killing me, but i’m glad i’m doing it.  7-10 days of not eating, but rather drinking this lemonade/maple syrup/cayenne pepper drink.  3-4 32 ozs bottles a day.  day 1 sucked, day 2 was TOUGH, day 3 and 4 were actually pretty easy.  i’m on 5 now…and it’s my full day with the kids.  needless to say, food is EVERYWHERE with little ones…they are always eating.  especially jams and ruby!!

i’m excited though b/c tonight is the 1st time in 5 1/2 years the whole staff and elders will be together to pray while fasting.  i’m really excited to pray tonight…not pray with an agenda, but pray for clarity and alignment.  we don’t want a new 3 step plan to reaching people; we just want to sit and align our spirits with what God is already doing…  what better place to be…